Validation and Vulnerability

These two words haunt me, they chase me and it is only through the love of Jesus that I rise above them daily. 

First I am going to talk about Vulnerability, the picture you see above is me being vulnerable to you. I have no make up on, I'm sun-burnt, and I can see my belly pudge sticking out. I am giving you ammo to talk about me, to call me names and put me down and it terrifies me. I am writing this because the only way to defeat fear is to face it head on, plus its kinda like that movie Pitch Perfect when Rebel Wilson's character calls herself "Fat Amy" so "Bitches" don't do it behind her back haha! I am imperfect, I have flaws, boy do I have flaws. I am sensitive, unmotivated, clingy, unorganized, selfish and that's just to name a few.  I struggle with my food habits and working out. I have the best intentions but it is so hard for me to MAKE myself do things. I am flawed. Don't get my wrong, their are things about myself that I am proud of, and thankful for. Parts of my body, mind and spirit that I feel like I "Got it right" and thats a wonderful feeling. This is be being real with you. This is who I am. Who you are may be completely different, your flaws are not my flaws and  your strengths are not my strengths . Thank God we are different. =) 

Really when you think about it, the who go hand in hand. I need validation so I don't feel so vulnerable.I have always looked for validation in things I do. From the time I was in Elementary school I wanted my teachers to tell me "Good Job Brianne!" I wanted my family to tell me how proud they where of me, and I wanted my friends to tell me what a great friend I am. How selfish of me, to think that all these peoples thoughts and actions revolved around me! I am getting better at this, it has taken time for me realize that the only validation I NEED is from God, and from myself. Its not easy, its really really hard, and its something I have to conscious of everyday. 

The best way for me to get over this hurdle, is to set small goals to make myself stronger, physically  mentally and spiritually. 

Goal #1 is to run a 5k this May. I have to start holding myself accountable.

Goal # 2 find a church (this has been so hard for me, but thats a another post for another day) 

Goal #3 Graduate with my Education Associates degree in December.

I'm putting this out there to hold myself accountable, its out in the world now and I know you guys will hold me to it =)